PHAT CAR - FAT BEHIND

Any excuse for a Scirocco picture 

We know that people are getting bigger in size, that news isn’t new.

What may not be more obvious is that cars are getting bigger and heavier as well. An example the Mk1 VW Scirocco is 1625mm wide and 3880mm long, theMk3 VW Scirocco is 1810mm wide and 4256mm long.

Certainly, some of this can be attributed to how much space you need to house all the electrical gadgets from ABS to Air Con and everything in between. The public now demand safety and luxury features in their cars in the bucket load so, they have to go somewhere.

The other reason for this is people. Yeah that’s right, people are getting bigger too, and therefore the amount of space they require in their cars will have to be bigger as well.

So what are car manufacturers doing about this?

Well, BMW for example have now got some 800 volunteers helping them work out how to design cars for obese people. Mercedes are planning to strengthen grab handles, Honda have widened their seats by approx 50mm and Porsches now have steering columns that retract and lift when the car is switched off, much like the top of the range Japanese cars.

It’s the small things that make all the difference, from the size of the doors to how far apart the pedals are. Reverse cameras and blind spot warning systems have all been added too which are designed to help the larger person manoeuvre their vehicle.

Is this really such a good idea? Or should we as a society not be concentrating on improving people’s health instead?

HALLOWEEN: WHAT CAR TO PERFECTLY ACCESSORIZE YOUR COSTUME

31^st of October, Halloween, Samhain, All Hallows Even, or Festival of the Dead, call it what you will but it is more or less it’s all the same thing. The lead up to Halloween is now filled with people, kids and pets getting dressed up as witches, zombies, vampires, werewolves. Some even use their imagination and end up dressed up as something more original.

That made me wonder, what sort of car you would drive if you were a creature of the night….

After some thought I reckoned that Werewolves would probably require the use of a 4wd so you could go off to run as a wolf somewhere where you weren’t likely to be seen. If it had a decent load space you could stash a change of clothes there and whatever animal you had caught too.

Then I remembered how much dogs like to stick their head out the window with their tongue hanging out, getting doggie slavers down the ‘C’ pillar of the car and letting your ears blow in the wind. Dogs also like to run in packs, track and hunt. So, a combination of 4wd drive and convertible would be ideal. That leaves the limited edition Rav 4 convertible from 1999 a JEEP Wrangler or Freelander Convertible. Depending on who the Werewolf is, they might even really appreciate the idea of having an Audi Quattro Cabriolet….

So, imagine for one moment you are a Zombie for example, the choice of car isn’t going to be an issue; you are most probably not being able to do anything apart from move towards food.

Giving the odd moan you would just follow the rest of the zombie hoard on your way. Not using your brain and following the crowd could possibly mean that Zombies would drive BMW Minis.

So what would the trendy cool Vampire about town drive? I suppose it would depend on what Vampire Lore we are following. Assuming the Bram Stoker version then Vampires don’t melt in daylight, do need blood and do really need a place for a coffin.

That would mean something along the lines of a pick-up truck. Though if the Vampire in question had been around for a while they would probably have built up some cash and to be able to attract victims into your ‘ride’ may be an advantage. So I reckon an imported Ford F1 pickup or an HSV Maloo.

As for the Witch, what do you think she would drive? I drive an old scirocco; it’s held together by magic and looks a bit like a broom.

Article by: Lynn Tulloch